Feelings

I’ve always been an emotional person.  My feelings get hurt way too often.  All my life, I have tried to get ‘thicker skin’ and not take things so personal, but this is me.  

I feel everything. 

People tell me, “Don’t feel bad, you can’t help that you are sick.”  Or, “Don’t feel guilty for the things you can’t do.”  

Don’t I wish I could do that.  People mean well, but I’m just not built to control my feelings.  It’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life.  I cry over everything.  If I watch a touching commercial, I’m crying.  If I see my kids doing something that they love, I’m tearing up in the corner.  Not only do I cry over everything, but I feel guilty all the time for what I’m not doing.  

When I feel anything, I feel it strong.  

If I am sick in bed and I can’t take care of my kids, the guilt creeps in.  I can’t just tell myself, “Oh, it’s ok, your kids are fine.”  Nope.  I wanted to be a hands on, active mom, not sit on the sidelines.  

It seems our society wants us to not feel things.  I’m tired of faking it.  This is me, the emotional, trying to be happy, but I’m not, person.  Accepting this about myself has been difficult.  I wish I could be tougher and handle everything better.  But then I have to give myself a break and understand that I am who I am for a reason.  We aren’t all built the same, and that’s a beautiful thing.  

Accepting who we are is hard sometimes, but we are the only ones who can tell our story.  Even though I wish I could get through an army commercial without tears, I am thankful that I am compassionate to others.  Because I’m emotional, I feel others strongly as well.  Even though I’ve always seen my emotions as a negative, as I grow, I’ve been able to see how I can help others because I feel so deeply.  

I might continue to cry at unexpected moments and people might look at me weird, but hey, this is who I am.